Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Just Right

Remember Goldilocks? She wandered around in the forest looking for someplace safe. Someplace safe. She stumbled onto the house of the three Bears - Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear. There she found hope of safety and comfort. There were chairs for sitting, porridge for eating, and beds for sleeping.

First she tried out the bowls of porridge. Papa Bear's porridge too hot and Mama Bear's porridge to cold, but Baby Bear's porridge was just right. Goldilocks ate that porridge all up. Next she wanted to sit down. Papa Bear's chair was too hard and Mama Bear's chair was too soft. Finally she sat in Baby Bear's chair and it was just right. So she sat there until the chair broke. Then the she decided she wanted a nap so she went looking for the bed. Papa Bear's bed was too high at the head for her. Mama Bear's bed was too high at the foot for her. Last she tried Baby Bear's bed and it was not too high at the head or at the foot, but just right. She fell asleep.

By and by the Bear Family returned home and discovered their home disturbed, food eaten, and furniture broken. When they found Goldilocks asleep in Baby Bear's bed, they startled her awake and she ran away home.

At one level, the story is a morality play. The moral is, don't mess around with other people's stuff without permission. But I think there is another message too.

Active sex addicts live in extremes. Too hot, too hard, too cold, too soft. Extremes. When acting out addicts are too soft on themselves - too easy on themselves. They live outside of their values. They feel they can get away with anything - that they are Masters of the Universe. When sex addicts are in the shame phase of the cycle they are too hard on themselves. They feel empty, worthless. They burn themselves with their shame brained thoughts and make themselves sit on too hard chairs. Too soft or too hard with no middle ground. No place is safe. That's what active sex addicts do.

With recovery comes balance. Neither to hot nor too cold, but just right. Neither too soft or too hard, but just right. Goldilocks can be nourished by Baby Bear's just right porridge. She can feel comfortable is Baby Bear's just right chair. She can rest easy and feel safe in Baby Bear's just right bed - safe enough to sleep. Balance, nourishment, comfort, and safety - good, healthy goals for otherwise too intense recovering addicts. Goldilocks found the rainbow of possibility between black and white, hot and cold, soft and hard.

One final thought: Papa Bear's bed was too high at the head for Goldilocks. It was unlevel. Mama Bear's bed was too high at the foot for Goldilocks. It too was unlevel. But Baby Bear's bed was perfectly level and just right. She could only be comfortable when she was on the level. Recovering people too can only be comfortable when they are on the level.

18 comments:

pro said...

Interestinggg...
you describe the story very well..
thank to you,i find a good story...
i appreciate her...
----------
Bob
Suffering from an addiction. This website has a lot of great resources and treatment centers.
http://www.treatmentcenters.org

jamesp said...

day by day technology increasing. Every man becomes busy no one getting right to enjoy the his life.Every one habituating alcohols because of that so many missing sexual attachments.
=================================
brucely
Addiction Therapy

Will said...

hi this is Davis..Hello to all....Yet another great post; yes, I may be starting a fan club.
---------------------------------
Davis.

Addiction Treatment

eme said...

This story really captures the restlessness of dealing with this sort of addiction. You get worn out as you just dig yourself deeper. I have a way to go--only really admited to myself that I suffer from sex addiction very recently--but I'll hope that if I work on it I'll eventually get to the comfortable baby bed.

Redemption said...

Great story and insightful. Addicts are WAY too hard on themselves sometimes and WAY too soft when it comes to discipline other times.

The truth is none of us are perfect. We will all screw up, but at those times when we're struggling we don't recognize that... we just start regretting what we've done rather than looking at what we can do from this point on.

Renovated, a story of recovery from pornography addiction

The Addict said...

This is a pretty good analogy of the sexual addiction cycle. I am going to follow this blog. Hopefully it will help me with my own sexual addiction.

The Addict said...

I linked to this post because it helped me not beat myself up too badly today.

eva said...

Im glad that i found this website, very comfortable to tackle things.you explained the topics properly and i find it very interesting and informative.. Thank you so much!

ACV said...

As a Sexual Addict, one concept I wrestle with is that in my 20 years as a sexual addict, I don’t think I would know what level was if it smacked me in the face with a two by four.

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Remove your plastic shower curtain, and then place it on the floor.

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me?? Sex ADDICTION is a JOKE. Just trying to make people feel guilty for who they are, and what they want!! Instead of looking down on them, take NOTES!!!

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YogaGal said...

Hi Michael,

I was really interested in your post about sex addiction. Keep up the great work you do.
Venus Cow helps people addicted to sex and pornography

blacktea0501 said...

I joined this blog because I think it is a serisou matter. I am not a sex addict but I think I can learn a lot be floowing this blog about self control and impulses.
Jesse
ghostwriter0501.blogspot.com

Paul Becker said...

Thanks Bob. You have a gift for many. As a means of giving back, I began writing books on sexual addiction five years ago and have written six books. I also participate in a prison ministry...Kairos. Many a man has found my books helpful in the quest of sexual sobriety. Permit me to share my web site for those who would like more information: go to sexaddictionhelpbooks.com
God bless!

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Very Bad Mommy said...

I'm a female sex addiction in recovery. I have a blog as well and am working on my first step. It's nice reading your blog. Keep it up!

www.verybadmommy.com